mustxnotxeat

Pls stop Reading my posts and my private life.. U read my diary and now ur reading these... I need some form of fucking privacy.

I won't mention this if u don't.

No1 cares so litterally why the fuck do I bother??

MY ex just left.. I spent the whole time like, not wanting to be with him. It's like i'm never happy.

I'm meant to be going out on sat night partying but I'm not in the mood - I dnt wanna drink or anything, I'm nver happy anymore. I wish I was a regular 20yr old again :( :'( nothing makes ms happy :( y'no!??

I'm worried it won't be long til I attempt suicide again.. And I kinda hope I do.. And it works :( if not then hospitals fine.. I felt safe there. I cudnt p*rge, I cudnt SH, I didn't have to deal with shit or anyone on the outside world, all the bitchy "friends", work.. Nothing.. I just watched portable tv, spoke to nurses and other patients.. I felt safe? Is that weird?

Sigh
Xxx

That I am.


I am SO alone.

Hannahs Ill, she doesn't need my shit.
Ellies got family and SH stuff.
Katies got her AD stuff.


I don't wanna bail my crap on them so il post in my private journal.

Girls at work are so clicky.
Girls out of work are so clicky.
Work is fcking nightmare and I might be losing my job. Thank u credit crunch.
I'm a fat piece of human shit.


Going home at lunch to shred the fuxk out of my skin with razor the return back to work with my fake smile

fml.

cut at work today in the toilets.



great day.

And if I shud die before I wake











Good. Result.

I feel so fucking alone.

Hes staying at his dads for a few days coz the breakups too hard for him to even look at me, let alone live with me.

Oo a couple of days to myself to relax ? :)

No.

A couple of days to fucking and take action on fucking suicide.

fuck my life.

fuck it.

fuck it.

fuck it.

He'd be better if i wasn't here...be easier for him.

fuck it.

fragile

empty

alone

scared

afraid

deserted

end.

it wont stop bleeding.


good.

Im over this.

Cut

cut

cut

cut

shredding at leg.

Just fucking give up and die Lucy

let me give up.

That is all.

new pics..idk how i feel about them..its an odd reality check.. i think they are quite thin yet i wanna carry on.. idk wats going thru my mind at the mo to be honest...
( piccas x )

I will die.






It will be great.


FML.

Enough is enought.

I feel very selfish today.

Hannie is going to IP ... and Im feeling upset because its 8:11am and im already having a shit day.??? wheres the logic in that? I'm blatently just making a fuss over nothing... CERTAIN people have it worse.

I hope these next two weeks go fast because Im gunna need her so bad, some days im gunna wanna cut or OD and have to rely on myself getting me through it... I suppose you SHOULD always rely on yourself anyway.. your the one whos in control of your actions. But also I know Han is gunna be going through the same thing and SHES gunna wanna OD or cut but I hope SHE gets through it.. London will be amazing with her but it IS one of the only things keeping me going right now.

Some times I wish III was getting forced into IP just because then I HAVE to get better.. because at the moment I want to.. but I cant do it.

I still want to lose but deep down I know I want this all to just. stop.

But it would take somebody forcing me into it.

109lbs.. I want to be 86.. am I just gunna keep keep keep going until Im there? That would be a loss of 76lbs (HW = 162Lbs) but I don't know if my body.. family.. bf.. or doctors would let me get that low?

IS it even that low? I know im' 5'6 but Ive seen girls on here at like 80-85lbs and they are fine?

Although I think they are shorter... idk WHAT is safe anymore...

Dan said the next time I cut - he would get me sectioned... a part of me panicked.. another part thought meh - it might not be for the worst.

I cut agin anyway.. he said the same thing..

I dont think he stands by his words.

I'm kinda happy though because im still here. yet I sometimes WANT to be forced.

IDK, This is rambled.

Much like my head.

Lard ass.

The vein in my foot looked pretty appealing.

glass.

cut

cut

cut

still fucking here

cut

cut

cut

Looks like this isn't working. I will find another way tomorrow when im on my own all night til 9:30.

Sorry beautys.

One too many days for me im afraid.

i fuckin love you all.

cut

cut

cut

Today.. Is Monday.

Monday.. Is a new week.

This new week .. Will be YOUR week.

<3 Lucy Walters - you WILL get to your goal of 105lb by Saturday.

Then you will be 103lb by following Thursday.

Then 100lb by Thursday after that.

NOT unrealistic goals.. they are do-able.

totally do-able!

Then the real goals will kick in..

97
93
90
88
*+* --> 86 <-- *+*